“Loneliness can often bring feelings of self-doubt and insecurity,” explains the “Navigating Loneliness” website hosted by Student Affairs at Stanford University (CA). “You might start believing that you’re not likable, that others are excluding you, or that you're somehow inadequate.” Tapping in to how students are feeling about their loneliness and isolation is a good start when helping them address the issue. For instance, might they be feeling…
- Like people don’t want to spend time with them?
- That they’re being ostracized by others?
- Like they’re being excluded from gatherings and conversations for a particular reason?
- That they’re not good enough?
- Like people think they’re odd or “too weird” to spend time with?
- That they’re hard to like?
- Like others think less of them because they’re verbalizing how lonely they are?
- That there’s something wrong with them?
Those are just some of the possibilities. When entering conversations with students about this sensitive topic, it’s important to listen to their lived experiences as people who are lonely and socially isolated. Carefully hearing their narratives can help with next steps.
Challenging the Narrative
“Take a moment to recognize these narratives and challenge them,” Stanford’s site encourages students. “Instead of assuming others aren’t interested in you, remind yourself that everyone is adjusting to new surroundings, and they might be feeling the same way. Reframing these thoughts can empower you to approach social situations with more confidence.”
Some ways to reframe the initial negative thoughts might include…
- People are so busy figuring their own stuff out that they’re likely not thinking that much about other people
- We’re all adjusting to a new scene, and I bet others are feeling lonely like I am
- I wonder how I might reach out to others who could be feeling isolated and lonely, too — it might make us both feel better
- It’s taken me some time to make good friends in the past, so I’m sure it’ll take time here, too — it’s not automatic
- Yet, I also need to remember that I have made good friends, and I’ll be able to do it again
Source: Navigating Loneliness, Student Affairs, Stanford University
For more initiatives like this that you can put into action, check out our NEW Addressing Student Loneliness and Isolation on Campus guide.
